Fashion blogger's husband

My name is Jackson and I am married to Pixie, or as she’s commonly known, @fashionspaghetti. My real name is Eric but Pixie liked my middle name so much she persuaded me to change it to my first name. I worked in marketing for eight years but now I am creative assistant to my wife and full time ‘caretaker’ of our French Bulldog, Oscar (@oscarthefrenchieboo).

06:30AM – I wake up feeling a bit chilly. Pixie is awake getting a shot of her legs in bed. The sun is barely up, but the light is especially good today, she says. I go back to sleep.

07:30AM – All the blinds are wide open and even some of the lights are on. I jolt when I catch sight of a creepy hooded figure standing by the door. It’s just Pixie taking a selfie. She’s using a cool new hashtag, #iwokeuplikethis.

08:00AM – I take Oscar for a walk and pick up some groceries. Pixie has given me a list but there are no dried cherries in Sainsbury’s and the store manager hasn’t heard of chia seeds.

08:38AM – Pixie sends me a message with the ‘boy running’ emoticon followed by the ‘house’ emoticon. I have been summoned back.

08:45AM – I come home to find Pixie standing at the top of a ladder. I think that maybe she’s seen a mouse. She hasn’t. Pixie is actually taking a photo of a lovely breakfast spread of fried eggs, streaky bacon, a plate of sliced avocado, a basket of wholemeal toast cut into triangles, waffles, a bowl of berries, orange juice and coffee. She has been waiting for me to bring the flowers for the table and for my hands to feature in the image.

08:48AM – Turns out Pixie made this breakfast 45 minutes ago so it’s cold and “we’re on a diet anyway.” I am allowed to eat the avocado, berries and drink the coffee and juice.

08:50AM – Disaster as Pixie posted it at at 08:49 and it hasn’t gotten any likes yet. I have already thrown away the food. She wants to know what we are going to do now but I don’t know what to tell her.

09:55AM – Pixie is going to a yoga class to blow off some steam and reminded me that she is having lunch with her friends at 1:30pm so I need to be ready to take her. Pixie says it makes sense for me to drive her because I have a license and she doesn’t.

10:44AM – It appears to be Kate Moss’ birthday judging by the pictures on her Instagram feed. I am sure Pixie is aware of this.

12:10PM – Pixie is not aware that it is Kate Moss’s birthday and is furious I haven’t told her. She now has to find a picture of Kate Moss that no one else has posted.

12:33PM – All hands on deck. I am helping in the search for a Kate Moss photo.

12:45PM – Pixie finds one but I remind her that @eatcleanlovefashion has already used this photo. We go with it anyway.

12:46PM – Picture is now live with the caption ‘Happy Birthday Kate Moss #katemoss #icon #love’ with an emoticon of praying hands.

12:51PM – 200 likes in 5 minutes. Pixie is delighted.

1:30PM – Pixie needs to leave for lunch with her friends, but needs a #ootd photo first. I snap her in what she calls ‘off-duty chic.’ It takes us 20 minutes to get her clasp on the clutch right.

2:00PM – I meet my friend Richard in the pub. He is also married to a blogger but she prefers to describe herself as a ‘trend forecaster.’ He is with their pet Yorkshire Terrier, Ambrosius, or ‘Bru’ for short.

3:15PM – I laugh when Richard puts Ambrosius on the chair next to us at the table. “You can’t put a dog on a chair at the table!” I said. He looks surprised and informs me that you can.

5:03PM – Pixie is a bit tipsy as I pick her up from her lunch date. I tell her I am a little tipsy too and suggest we both may need to lie down when we get home but she’s distracted after a famous blogger in Australia has liked her #ootd photo.

6:35PM – I want to help Pixie relax after such a stressful day so I run her a bath and light some candles. She loves it and asks me to grab the step ladder from the basement so I can get an aerial shot. She tells me the comments from this post have really revitalised her chakra centres. Pixie asks me if six photos are enough for a Sunday. I am not sure.

9:30PM – Bed time. I realised I haven’t kissed Pixie once today and lean round to do so but she is wearing a face mask. I will make sure I give her one tomorrow.

Words by Alex Moussaieff (who is not the husband of a blogger, yet)

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3 Comments

  • Guest2 hours ago

    Is this a joke? This has to be satire, it had me LOL’ing the entire way through.

  • VN6 hours ago

    Run, dude.

  • Kristina Abretti1 hour ago

    This was the BEST.

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