No Children Allowed: Seven of the Best Adults-Only Hotels

Wed, 12 June 2019

When you’re enjoying an intimate tête-à-tête or cracking the spine on a good book by the pool, the pitter-patter of tiny feet and inevitable screaming is not the holiday soundtrack you envisaged. These seven luxury hotels trade in grubby hands and over-excited toddlers for rooftop aperitifs and solitary soaks alfresco. Book the sitter.

Post Ranch Inn, Big Sur, California

Take a break from the children (as well as everyone else) and cosy up in one of the secluded cabins dotted along this sliver of Californian cliff. The 19th century homestead takes eco-luxe seriously with solar panels, recycled-redwood lodges and the little oases of green. Dine on summer truffles and artichoke ravioli in the ranch-style Sierra Mar before heading outside wielding a lavender martini for the best stargazing experience of your life – there’s no kids menu here.

Pro tip: For ultimate isolation, request the Pfeiffer cabin. Perched at the end of the resort, the only signs of life here are the hum of birdsong and the gentle lapping of ocean waves.

Coqui Coqui Valladolid, Yucatan, Mexico

Just one glimpse at colonial Coqui Coqui Valladolid is enough to know that this is not a place where melted crayons and dirty feet belong. Glide across tiled floors, beneath opulent chandeliers and up an open-air staircase to a tranquil courtyard where a private plunge pool looks over sleepy Yucatan life unwinding below. Set atop Coqui Coqui’s flagship perfumery, there’s a heavenly fragrance here (rest assured it stops well short of nauseating). The romantic private residence offers just one suite with so there’s no need for a “do not disturb” sign. Beneath a thatched roof is the hotel’s spa, where an aloe vera healing ritual is strongly encouraged, if not mandatory.

Pro tip: Leave your Chanel No. 5 at home as you’ll be trading in your signature scent for one of Coqui Coqui’s perfumes; we’re partial to Rosas Frescas.

  • +52 1 985 102 9000
  • Go to Website
  • Calle 41/A N.207a
    Colonia Sisal
    CP 97780

Casa de Uco, Mendoza, Argentina

It goes without saying that kids are best left at home when holidaying at a wine resort, but just to be safe Casa de Uco specify have an over-16’s only policy (not quite adult, but we’ll make do). Burrowed in a 790-acre vineyard estate, Casa de Uco offers postcard-worthy views of orchard backdropped by snow-capped Andean peaks. The hotel’s rural colour palette is toughened up with concrete and steel, clean-cut modernism and industrial architecture making the hideaway not so hidden. Rambles in the surrounding vineyards are a foil for heady hangovers – as is a glass of Malbec in the wine lounge.

Pro tip: Ask for one of the lagoon-facing rooms on the top floor where a bathtub (that fits two) sits directly by the floor-to-ceiling windows, making for an especially picturesque soak.

  • +54 926 1539 7551
  • Go to Website
  • Route 94
    KM 14.5
    Road to Manzano Histórico
    Uco Valley

Cap Rocat, Mallorca, Spain

Masterminded by local architect Antonio Obrador, this once desolate 19th-century military fortress has undergone a reincarnation of phoenix-from-ashes proportions. Cap Rocat stands on a private peninsula boasting commanding views over Palma Bay. Spacious pathways – once serving as military barracks for young Spaniards completing their national service – have been glammed up to be one of the boutique hotel’s most enchanting features, along with the grand stone bridge and colossal crenelated gates. Housed within the formidable sandstone walls are 22 suites (of which our favourite is Suite del Cabo) where charming four-poster beds, stone sinks, Mallorca antiques and an overall feel of luxury clearly demonstrate that this is not toddler terrain.

Pro tip: Don’t check out without having dined in one of Cap Rocat’s nooks carved straight into the cliff face. Candle-lit and completely secluded, these hideaways have seen their fair share of proposals.

  • +34 971 74 78 78
  • Go to Website
  • Ctra. D'enderrocat
    Cala Blava

The Caves Hotel, Negril, Jamaica

Perching cliffside at 144 One Love Drive (yes really) is The Caves, the dreamy Jamaican resort to ruin all other resorts. The all-inclusive hotel is comprised of 12 thatched-roof lodgings – which range from cutesy cottages to uber-luxe – with two dining gazebos, a spa and rum bar dotted across the rock bed. While rooms are oasis-like in their wood furnishings, batik prints and island-inspired decor, the real allure lies beyond the walls. Platforms carved into the volcanic cliff edge (and expert staff are on-hand) so you can take a spectacular leap into the gem-toned waters below. Once adrenaline rush has subsided, strap on your snorkel and explore the coral reef before trying your hand at spearfishing.

Pro tip: In the mornings, embrace the island culture and skip the eggs ben in favour of a Jamaican style breakfast of savoury ackee and saltfish.

L'Hotel Marrakech, Morocco

This 19th-century riad reads like British designer Jasper Conran’s love letter to Marrakech, a passionate but refined approach to old-school Moroccan glamour. Conrad’s aesthetic eye is obvious in every inch of this period palace. Billowing curtains cascade from double-height arches, rare artworks top even rarer antique furniture, while vibrant zellige tiles and hand-loomed carpets decorate floors. Thoughtfulness manifests in an abundance of dates, fresh fruit and ear plugs laid out in your room – not that you’ll need them, the hotel houses only five suites meaning noise is kept to a minimum. Fresh mint teas and aperitifs are to be taken on the roof terrace – time it with the call to prayer for optimum atmosphere.

Pro tip: The hotel may be crawling with masterpieces but the pièce de résistance is its small but mighty garden that bursts with lush greenery and flowers in bloom. Take a dip in the saltwater lap-pool which is lit by lanterns and candles after-hours.

  • +212 524 387 880
  • Go to Website
  • 41 Derb Sidi Lahcen ou Ali
    Bab Doukkala

Qualia, Whitsunday Islands, Australia

This haven built by Australian billionaires has certainly not been constructed with strollers and crying babies in mind. Teetering above the Coral Sea, 60 hillside pavilions sprawl across 30 acres of tropical bushland. While Aussie culture is known to be laid-back (and as expected the vibe here is distinctly relaxed), the hotel’s attention to detail is anything but. Guest rooms feature local hardwoods, quarried stone and some even have private infinity pools. For dinner, Pebble Beach serves delectable dishes of Euro-Asian cuisine against a backdrop so perfect it looks like a green-screen.

Pro tip: Don’t be fooled by the swimwear and flip-flop dress-code, pack cocktail attire for night-caps beneath twinkling stars on the open-air Long Pavillion.

  • +61 1300 780 959
  • Go to Website
  • Great Barrier Reef
    20 Whitsunday Boulevard
    Hamilton Island

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