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2PM

The first thing you need to understand about Las Vegas is that having morals will only get in the way of you enjoying yourself. “It’s a woman’s world,” they proclaim at Machine Guns Vegas as they hand you a pink M4, which you dutifully handle like a pro in your booty shorts.

4PM

If Lara Croft role play isn’t your idea of fun, head to X Burlesque University and learn the art of burlesque from some of Vegas’ best showgirls. After a 75-minute class in choreography and eyelash application, you’ll graduate with an XBU Diploma – a wonderful CV booster.

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5:30PM

Stop by Déjà Vu Adult Emporium where amongst the mind-boggling gag gifts and wall of dildos you’ll find fluffy penis tiaras, feather boas and vajazzles (vagina + dazzle) that can double up as face gems for your night ahead.

6PM

Head to Sugar Factory and order a pastel-coloured candy cocktail in a ‘sharing-size’ goblet. After 12 shots of liquor it’s likely that you’ll get emotional watching the Bellagio fountain show, which is set to the American national anthem. If Madonna’s Material Girl is the preferred soundtrack to your evening, put on a sparkly dress and drink amongst diamanté at the Chandelier Bar at the Cosmopolitan Hotel, which in typical Vegas fashion is shaped like a chandelier.

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7:30PM

A dining room dripping with pearl and golden hues, Andrea’s evokes memories of grown-up glamour from Scorsese’s Casino. Inspired by Steve Wynn’s wife, Andrea Hissom, the restaurant serves as the ideal backdrop to pretend you’re a hustler for the night while you enjoy unearned plates of wagyu beef and scallop sashimi.

9PM

Get dressed up in feather boas and apply ‘wet and wild’ vajazzles to your face before making your way to Thunder from Down Under at Excalibur. Gasps will emerge from your glitter-coated lips as an eight-pack and a wide selection of hats suddenly become the prerequisites for your future husband. Go for the Chippendales if you can’t hack the Aussie accent.

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11:30PM

Girls get treated at XS. Grab a table, grab a bottle and get involved. Hiring your own personal bouncer for the table will ensure that you’re the one in charge of who gets invited to the party.

3AM

At some point, someone will suggest going to a strip club. End your night on a high and head to Hunk Mansion, if only to ride the six-foot electronic penis.

4AM

Queues for taxis will be getting ridic. From your bra pull out any leftover cash from the strip club and take a white limo to the Wynn Casino. Try your luck at roulette or ride on the carousel before bed.

11AM

Wake up and have a detox breakfast at Della’s Kitchen (which opens at 6:30AM if you’re still up from the night before) and recover in the baths at the dreamy Bathhouse Spa at the Delano.

Check out our Bachelors’ Bible to Las Vegas

Machine Guns Vegas

X Burlesque University

Déjà Vu Adult Emporium

Sugar Factory

Chandelier Bar at the Cosmopolitan Hotel

Andrea's

Thunder from Down Under at Excalibur

Chippendales

XS

Hunk Mansion

Wynn Casino

Della's Kitchen

Bathhouse Spa

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