Cart is empty
The first thing you need to understand about Las Vegas is that having morals will only get in the way of you enjoying yourself. “It’s a woman’s world,” they proclaim at Machine Guns Vegas as they hand you a pink M4, which you dutifully handle like a pro in your booty shorts.
If Lara Croft role play isn’t your idea of fun, head to X Burlesque University and learn the art of burlesque from some of Vegas’ best showgirls. After a 75-minute class in choreography and eyelash application, you’ll graduate with an XBU Diploma – a wonderful CV booster.
Stop by Déjà Vu Adult Emporium where amongst the mind-boggling gag gifts and wall of dildos you’ll find fluffy penis tiaras, feather boas and vajazzles (vagina + dazzle) that can double up as face gems for your night ahead.
Head to Sugar Factory and order a pastel-coloured candy cocktail in a ‘sharing-size’ goblet. After 12 shots of liquor it’s likely that you’ll get emotional watching the Bellagio fountain show, which is set to the American national anthem. If Madonna’s Material Girl is the preferred soundtrack to your evening, put on a sparkly dress and drink amongst diamanté at the Chandelier Bar at the Cosmopolitan Hotel, which in typical Vegas fashion is shaped like a chandelier.
A dining room dripping with pearl and golden hues, Andrea’s evokes memories of grown-up glamour from Scorsese’s Casino. Inspired by Steve Wynn’s wife, Andrea Hissom, the restaurant serves as the ideal backdrop to pretend you’re a hustler for the night while you enjoy unearned plates of wagyu beef and scallop sashimi.
Get dressed up in feather boas and apply ‘wet and wild’ vajazzles to your face before making your way to Thunder from Down Under at Excalibur. Gasps will emerge from your glitter-coated lips as an eight-pack and a wide selection of hats suddenly become the prerequisites for your future husband. Go for the Chippendales if you can’t hack the Aussie accent.
Girls get treated at XS. Grab a table, grab a bottle and get involved. Hiring your own personal bouncer for the table will ensure that you’re the one in charge of who gets invited to the party.
At some point, someone will suggest going to a strip club. End your night on a high and head to Hunk Mansion, if only to ride the six-foot electronic penis.
Queues for taxis will be getting ridic. From your bra pull out any leftover cash from the strip club and take a white limo to the Wynn Casino. Try your luck at roulette or ride on the carousel before bed.
Check out our Bachelors’ Bible to Las Vegas
Machine Guns Vegas
X Burlesque University
Déjà Vu Adult Emporium
Chandelier Bar at the Cosmopolitan Hotel
Thunder from Down Under at Excalibur
You May Also Like
You know how you have that one incredible friend who knows their city inside out? That’s us. We take the world’s most dynamic destinations, hand-pick the best bits and give them to you in one place. This is the kind of guide that you don’t need to run by a local – it was written by one. Eat your heart out, shop until you drop, drink like a fish, dance your socks off, sleep – then repeat.
Embrace the adventurous appetite of the next generation with an annual subscription. SUITCASE Magazine challenges travel perceptions with thought-provoking photo journals, city guides and articles by award-winning international writers.
We'll tell you where you can find the perfect boutique hotel in Paris for under £150, if you tell us about the best dive bar in your city. Deal? Share your stories and photos with #SUITCASEtravels.